


Breaking through the chains

by bi_nocturnal_g



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: I'm Bad At Tagging, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:27:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23297017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bi_nocturnal_g/pseuds/bi_nocturnal_g
Summary: It was a sign.He was running out of time. And he knew it. How long, until it would fall apart around him?
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 1
Kudos: 86





	Breaking through the chains

**Author's Note:**

> Oh God, it's been years since I've written anything down. Lord knows I've still got WIPs I need to finish but I've been lurking enough around the 9-1-1 fandom and enough is enough. Buddie sucked me in and I've so much love for the boys and so many feels and ideas. Gah. This is also unbetaed. It be like that.

Buck stared unseeing at his ceiling. When he'd settled down on his bed, dust motes danced in the air. Soft sounds from outside drifted through the window and a cool breeze ruffled his hair. 

The silence in his apartment felt suffocating. He wanted to scream and shout. It was so unfair. Why couldn't life give him a break for once. Just this once. Just let him have this.

He closed his eyes. Tears gathered in the corners and he bit his lips.

He felt tired. The exhaustion settled deep into his bones. Dragging him down. Taking place deep inside and making a home in the hole where his heart used to be. 

He turned on his side and tried to organize his thoughts. His hand absentmindly caressing his chest. He watched as the Light of the sun slid lower and lower on his walls until his apartment was bathed in darkness.

Logically he knew that it had to happen eventually. Someday Eddie would feel brave again to try. Try to move on from Shannon. Lay his heart on the line again. Find that one special person to share his life with again. Someone who'd love him and Christopher. Give them all the love and care that they deserve. 

He tried to ignore that little voice in his head that whispered they already had that. They have him, Buck. There was no need for anyone else.

He'd always thought that it would be someday in the future. Where Eddie would realize that that someone was there all along. He'd open his eyes and his mind to the possibility of Buck, his best friend loving him. That along the way they created a family together with Christopher. That they would have each other. To love and to hold. Weather the storm together. 

He wished that there was never ever a doubt. That it was clear where they stood with each other. That Eddie would know and realize that Buck loved him. He'd be enough and everything would be fine. 

Downstairs a key slid home in place. He heard soft footfalls walk through his loft. They stopped at his stairs before ascending toward him. 

He thought that he had more time. Time to figure things out. Nudge things along. They'd stop dancing with each. Define this unspoken thing between them. 

There were times that things between him and Eddie grew heated. A fire in their veins. Of anticipation. A sparkle in those deep brown eyes, sucking him in their depths. A soft spoken promise mumbled in the quiet of the night when they had too much to drink and hardly any space between them on the couch. Would this finally push them over the edge. Drive them into each other. Make them confess.

It never happend. The moment would be lost. Buck would feel bereft. Each and every time. Until the next time. Until it would happen. Again and again.

And now. 

Now there was no more time left. The timer was going off any second now. He was too late. It was all too late. He'd lost the chance. He'd lost it the moment Eddie set eyes on her.

He screwed his eyes shut when he felt a weight settle on the bed. 

"You wanna talk about it?" A soft voice whispered in the darkness.

"No." Buck mumbled after awhile. Slowly he tried to curl himself into a ball. 

He felt the sigh against the back of his neck before heat seared across his back. Tentive hands took a hold of him. Hesistant before growing bolder in the silence. Wrapping around him and hugging him tight. The solid weight of Eddie cuddling him felt comforting despite his inner turmoil towards his best friend. 

"You know you can tell me anything, Evan." Eddie pleaded. "I'm here for you."

Buck opened his mouth. Closed it. And tried a couple of times more. And Buck couldn't do it. He couldn't open his mouth and lay it all out in the open. 

Explain that he was fine even when he wasn't fine. That he was just being selfish. Selfish to think of Eddie as his. Of being complacent at carving up a space for him within the Diaz household. Of being jealous of someone taking over his family.

Eddie didn't deserve to have that all dumped on him. 

He just needed more time to piece his heart together again. Remind his dumb heart that it was okay. That atleast he still had Eddie's friendship. That it was enough 

He'd survived Abby breaking his heart. This thing with Eddie. He'd survive this too.


End file.
